Soda jerk the day we met you were working at the shop
You slid me a cherry coke across the countertop
Soda jerk you said you loved me and you said we’d never part
Soda jerk you said you’d always carbonate my heart

You might have gone off to school
You might think that you’re so co-oo-oo-ool
You might think you drive all the ladies berserk
But you’ll always be a soda jerk

Soda jerk, when you came home they threw you a parade
You opened an accounting firm and they said you had it made
Soda jerk, you wore a golden crown where you used to wear a paper hat
I tried to shake you up and drink you down, but your lovin’ had gone flat

You might have a CPA
You might drive a Chevro-let-et-et-et
You might have a fancy title at work, but you’ll always be a soda jerk


Soda jerk, you’re like an off brand cola:
All the calories but none of the taste
Soda jerk, you’re like a broken fountain
And it’s time for you to be replaced

Soda jerk, I fell in love with the shopkeep boy uptown
He might be poor, but he cleans up nice, and he never lets me down
So soda jerk, I’m writing you just one more secret note
It says: “Soda jerk, I hope you choke on a stupid root beer float.”

You might have a corner suite
You might think that you’re so ne-ee-ee-eat
But now I’m in love with a grocery clerk
And you’ll always be a soda jerk

you might have a CPA
You might drive a Chevrolet-et-et-et
You might have a fancy title at work
But you’ll always be a soda jerk, you jerk